Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Real Talk - My Weight

I wanted this blog to be a place where I could be real. I love following fashion and lifestyle blogs, but so many times they seem like they have it all together. I'm the first to admit that I do not have it all together. I struggle with many things but one of my biggest struggles is my weight.

I've never been thin. Like, ever. And for the most part I've been okay with that. I was pretty active playing softball for 10 years so I stayed in decent shape, but I was never skinny by any means. When I was about 16, I stopped playing softball, started gaining weight, and Mother Nature stopped visiting. Softball had kept me in shape, but unfortunately show choir did not. I finally went to the gynecologist to see what was up thanks to my mom's gentle suggestion (but really more like forcing me to go). Eventually, I was told I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Basically my ovaries have a bunch of cysts on them (ew right?). PCOS isn't super serious, but it can lead to more serious problems. For me, it means I'm insulin dependent (aka pre-diabetic) and I have the hardest time losing weight.

I've been taking birth control ever since then. I've been told that if I want to stop taking it, I'll need to lose weight. But guys, I love food. So much. Pasta and ice cream were my jam! So every year after going back for a yearly check-up, I'd try to jump back on the healthy wagon only to fall off soon after. I used nearly every excuse in the book. I'm too poor to buy healthy food. I have too much homework to go to the gym. I don't want to look like an idiot who can't run. It's too hot. It's too cold. I'm too tired so I'll go tomorrow. Blah blah blah.

But finally this past December, a friend and I made a commitment to go to the gym. She was newly engaged and I was tired of hearing my doctor tell me the same thing every year (lose weight woman!), so we each had our motivation. Once January came, we got really good at making it to the gym 4-5 days a week. We'd do cardio and lift weights. We even completed a swimming challenge! I know that eating differently is more important than exercising though, and I've done really well at cutting carbs - I don't remember when I last made pasta! We kept this routine up all semester. That's nearly 4 1/2 months of working out and eating (decently) healthy. I should have lost weight, right?

That's a negative ghost rider. None of my clothes fit any differently. I'm not a fan of weighing myself so I always just go by how my clothes fit (my doctor likes to reinforce the fact that I'm not defined by the number on the scale too - she's great). Last week I went back to the doctor for my yearly check-up. I think I scared her when I said "we need to talk" as soon as she walked in the exam room. I told her everything I've been doing and how honestly frustrated I am. Of course she said that I can always eat healthier (aka don't eat as much ice cream), but she agreed that my habits are the best they've ever been and that yes, I should be losing weight. Thankfully she's invested in me and ordered a bunch of blood tests: a thyroid panel (it runs in my family so I have no clue why this has never been done), a diabetes test, and bunch of others that I can't remember.

I'd love to tell you that I know what's wrong with me, but I still haven't heard from her. I'm not sure about the timeline on blood tests, so I'm hoping I'll hear back soon. It's weird but I almost want something to be wrong because at least then I'd have an answer! But if all my tests come back fine, then it's back to the brainstorm board.

Regardless of what happens, I definitely feel healthier. I can run two miles without feeling like dying and my food choices are better than ever before (I actually have money to spend on healthy food!). One of the best things that's happened is that the Lord has been so sweet and has brought people into my life who also have the same goal: just be healthy! I'm not perfect all the time, but I'm trying really hard. This has been a journey nearly 9 years in the making and I'm just now getting up the courage to start it. So here's to healthy habits leading to a healthy life!

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